Harry Pyro and the Big, Shiny, Little Rock
by Andrala
Summary: Parody of HP movie. Thanx to Flute Freak25 for the Harry pyro bit of the title. Also to Kaitlyn. Harry's a pyro...Draco's a hydro...Ron likes food...hermione can't find her French Horn. Most importantly, It's A Castle.
1. The Boy Who LivedThrough Something

Chapter 1: The Boy Who Lived.Through Something.  
  
(Loud music begins and ends. An old man with a beard shows up on the corner of a common English neighborhood. Here, our story begins.)  
  
Dumbledore~ Ugh. A cloned suburban neighborhood. *sees cat*  
I see you've parked it on a wall again, Professor McGonagall.  
  
McGonagall~ School's out. Nothin better to do. How did you ever recognize me?  
  
D~ My dear professor, I've never seen a cat sit as though it had a wand up it's, uh, yes.  
  
McG~ Hmmm. Interesting. You got the kid or what?  
  
D~ Ye, we found him. Hagrid's playing slave and bringing him. We're dumpin him here.  
  
McG~ You can't really leave him here! These people are wretched! I've watched them on this here wall all day! They.are very mean, ok?  
  
D~ Precisely. We have to make the hero seem tragic and ill used. Don't you know that that's what sells?  
  
McG~ I suppose.where's the hairy guy? *Roar of motorcycle interrupts her sentence*  
  
D~Yo, Hagrid, my man! What's happinin?  
  
Hagrid~ Yo, dawg! Got the kid. Screamed his ruddy scarred head off all the way to Bristol. Then he shut it. Here ya go! *dumps him in Dumbledore's arms*  
  
D~ Thank You, homie. Here's the letter explaining about the evil dude.  
  
Hag~ True dat, brotha.  
  
McG~ Well, good-bye small 1-year-old we are leaving on the doorstep in the middle of the night for any nutcase to grab!  
  
Hag~ *starts to cry* IT'S A HALLMARK MOMENT!  
  
D~ Yes, shut it before the Muggles hear us. Good-bye---*dramatic music*  
  
HARRY PYRO.  
  
*silence*  
  
McG~ Right, then, let's party!  
  
Hag~Whoo-hoo! Da-na-danna-dana-da-da!  
  
All~ Dan-na-danna-dana-da!  
  
Hag~ Dan-na-danna-dana-da-da! Da-da-danna-da!  
  
All~ TEQULIA!  
  
(All except Harry pile on Hagrid's "borrowed" motorcycle that he took from Sirius Black and party till the owls come home.) 


	2. Hey, Look, the Glass is Gone

Chapter 2~ Hey, Look, the Glass is Gone  
  
(Loud stomping is heard. Suddenly, a voice yells out.)  
  
Dudley~ Wake up, Pyro, we're going to the zoo! HA-HA-HA-HA! *As Dudley races down the stairs, he trips on the carpet and goes flying. * HA-HA- Ohhhhhh..  
  
Harry~ *scratches head, shrugs, goes into kitchen*  
  
Petunia~ There ya are, orphan. Go cook food.  
  
H~ Yes, Aunt Petunia. Do I get to use the stove?  
  
Vernon~ Fetch my coffee, orphan.  
  
H~ Yes, Uncle Vernon. Do I get to use the stove?  
  
P~ Everything's got to be "SPECIAL" for my Dudley's "SPECIAL" day!  
  
H~ Oh, hoo-rah, he's learned how to play flute. *P hits him with a frying pan*  
  
Dud~ *to the tune of the we just got a letter song off Blue's Clues* I've got presies and you don't, I've got presies and you don't, I've got presies and you don't, HOW MANY ARE THERE?  
  
V~ How am I to know? I can't count. Only in French. Let me see.hmmm. Quattro?  
  
H~ That's Spanish, Uncle Vernon.  
  
V~ Shut it, orphan. It's French if I say it's French. You're Jewish if I say you're Jewish. Got it?  
  
H~ Hmmmm.  
(The scene changes to outside, near the car) V~ I'm warning you now, boy. Any funny business, any at all, you'll be in that cupboard for a week.  
  
H~ You mean, like this? *Harry points a finger at a bush like Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and sets it aflame. * Look at it burn! *evil laugh*  
  
V~ I'm gonna pretend that didn't happen, as that was our rival neighbor's bush. No more pyrotechnics.  
(All get in car with Harry still laughing maniacally)  
(Scene-the reptile house at the London Zoo) D~ Make it dance to men Without Hats. I'll just ignore this here sticker and tap on the glass to the rhythm of 'Safety Dance'. *tap-tap-tap-taptap- taptap* This is dull. I'm moving on now. *We can dance if you want to.*  
  
H~ My deepest apologies, my dear snake. My cousin is a moron. Do you talk to Pyro Wizards often?  
  
Snake~ Nooooo. Reeead your ssssssscript.  
  
H~Do you like it, the zoo? *sees sign* Brazil, eh? Sooo.do you know Portuguese? Snake *taps sign* Hmmm. Bred in captivity. That's me as well. Does this mean you have a cupboard under that log?  
  
D~ Look! Look! It's dancing! The snake is dancing! *knocks H to floor* Ahhhhhhhhh!  
(Glass disappears-D falls to ground-glass reappears) P~ Oh! My Dudders!  
  
Snake~ Get this.overgrown 11-year-old off me! *Snake escapes and moves leisurely about zoo* Brazil.here I come. Thanksss amigo!  
  
H~Anytime. But they don't speak Spanish there! *Snake disappears*  
(Scene-At #4 Privet Drive) V~I told you, nothing.weird, ok?  
  
H~ But, I didn't do it! One moment it was there, the next it was gone! It was like magic!  
  
V~ DON'T SAY THE 'M' WORD! *collapses into fetal position* *Gets up, shoves Harry into cupboard, locks door*  
  
(Harry is thrown into darkness. As he trips over stuff, looking for his bed, an owl perches on the roof. Little does Harry know, his life is about to change- FOREVER.) 


	3. The Letters From PBS

Hey. Andrala here. Ch. 3 is up. Yee-haw. Have a good ole'.  
  
Ch. 3~The Letters from PBS  
  
(Harry stumbles to the breakfast table. Dudley is in a new and very ugly uniform. Vernon is still mad about the 'M' word. Huh.)  
  
V~ Get the mail, Dudley.  
  
D~ Make Harry get it.  
  
V~ Get the mail, Harry.  
  
H~ Make Dudley get it.  
  
V~ Hit Harry with something hard as to make him get the mail and twist the plot.  
  
H~ That won't be necessary. *goes and gets mail* Hmm. Bill, letter from evil aunt, letter for me. That's new. I think I'll open it up in front of everyone. *Gives V's mail to V. *  
  
D~ Look, H has got post!  
  
V~ Ye, right. Oh, Marge is ill, ate a funny welk!  
  
All~ What's a welk?  
  
H~ I think.it's.fire.  
  
D~ No, a toilet.  
  
P~ No, a deer.  
  
V~ Who cares? Now, what about H and post?  
  
H~ Haven't got anything. *hides letter in hair*  
  
V~ *yoink* Mine now! Get a haircut and get a real job! *all burst into song* Uh, P, we've got a situation here.  
  
P~ Oh, no. Whatever could it be.  
  
P and V~ You two, get out.  
  
D and H~ Never!  
  
H~ Overthrow the government and set fire to it! *all give him strange looks* What, can't I be a pyro anarchist?  
  
V~ The letter's garbage.  
  
(Just then, letters shoot out down the chimney and everywhere  
else you can think of.)  
  
H~ I got one! *Jumps up and down on couch*  
  
V~ *tackles* We're going away! Where they can't find us!  
  
P~ Who?  
  
V~ PBS!  
  
All~ Ahhhhhhhh! I won't pledge!  
  
Yup. Well, reviews, please. I have to have 3 to post Ch. 4. It's gonna be called, Big Guy With Keys. Bye! ~Andrala~ 


End file.
